Came to Believe

I was born into a secular Jewish home. We only went to synagogue on the High Holy Days - which I found incredibly boring. My parents put me into Sunday School beginning in 2nd grade, so I would know enough to be Bar Mitzvah'd by the age of 13. It was the thing to do culturally speaking.

In Sunday School, the teachers would read us the stories from Genesis and Exodus. They reminded me of Grimm's Fairy Tales - only they were "grimmer!" And I was told these were true stories! One thing they taught that made sense to me was that God was infinite. Therefore Jewish art did not depict individual personalities as being representational of God.

My mom likes musical theater. I was about 8 years old in 1973 when she first took me to see Jesus Christ Superstar. I didn't understand it. This was nothing like The Sound of Music! My mom told me that there were people who believed in different religions. Christians believed that the guy I was looking at on the stage was the Son of God. Very odd and hard for me to fathom.

Then I learned that Jews thought the Christians were wrong, and many Christians thought I was going to Hell! This went on for many years, so I turned toward the East. They were more inclusive and non-judgmental in nature. More acceptance.

Meanwhile, I was kind of artsy-fartsy. I wrote poems and songs. I felt a spiritual connection within music and the arts. I especially liked the Beatles. So I started to learn about meditation and dropped acid.

While doing this, I was channel surfing in 1988 and came upon a special with Bill Moyers interviewing this guy who was talking about mythology. Mythology? You mean those stories of Zeus and Odysseus and stuff? Aren't those just grown-up fairy tales? But this man wasn't talking about that. He was talking about Native American stories. Stories of the Buddha and the similarities found between the Buddha, Moses and Jesus. Star Wars (which I thought was just some silly Space Opera that was beneath my intellectual status), was presented to me in a totally different light. He taught me that it was okay to consider these stories as true when read metaphorically, rather than literally and historically.

And yet, with all the background information I just gave, it didn't really matter by the time I got to the rooms. I believed in all that God stuff. I believed that whatever concept of God there was would work for YOU. God would restore YOU to sanity! I wasn't sure He would do so for me. It's like we had a bad connection.

When I got into the rooms, I needed something tangible. Up to that point the only Higher Power that was tangible to give me results was alcohol itself. That power was no longer working for me. It was now working against me. It had turned on me a long time ago.

There had to be SOMETHING greater than me or alcohol that could help me recover from this condition that was killing me inside and out. So I used the wisdom and power of the program itself that flowed through all you folks who had more time than I. I took suggestions and acted 'as if." I didn't even need to believe it all yet. All I needed to do at this point is to be WILLING to believe.

I knew how to sit cross-legged and go "Om", but didn't even know how to say a simple prayer. I began to say the Serenity Prayer because it was short, and I knew it by heart (we say it at every meeting!) I got a meditation book called Keep It Simple - it was sort of like 24 Hours a Day but was meant for beginners like me at the time. Later I learned the 3rd Step Prayer in the Big Book, and then the 7th Step prayer in
the same book. I eventually started reading 24 Hours A Day.

I faked it 'til I made it. Eventually, something started clicking. It didn't happen overnight. I wasn't rocketed to the 4th Dimension like Bill W. I experienced more of the educational variety that happened over time as a result of practicing 12 Steps to the best of my ability. Over time, I began to see God working in my life. I began to feel freedom from my own self-will and felt more comfortable in my relationship with myself, God, and you all. I felt more comfortable in my own skin.

I have since returned to studying various religious philosophies and practices. I've studied the Hebrew Bible and the New Testament. I've studied Taoism and Buddhism. Many of the early AA members read Emmet Fox's The Sermon On the Mount - a good one! I've studied A Course In Miracles and Eckhardt Tolle.

Why am I mentioning all of these non-AA approved resources? Am I trying to sell you these things? No! Not at all! Some of us have had a spiritual awakenings by simply following the Big Book instructions. But the Big Book supports us using the best of what's out there. In my case, I found that the Big Book was written all over the above mentioned resources. As long as the messages of these various religious sources are in sync w/ the Big Book, I can use them to enhance what the Big Book has been telling me in the first place.

One more thing I'd like to add. All the religious and scientific books can't do a thing for us in and of themselves. They just contain theory and theology. But faith without works is dead. This a program of action. The Big Book is the manual that provides the instructions. If we take the actions, our beliefs will only enhance the results. The results lay the foundation for faith.

Thanks for letting me share.

Rick M